After recent world events I feel the need to share a short post. This blog post is amazing: http://www.feelingsandfaith.net/1149-2/
I have spent time in therapy since I was 21 years old, of my own accord, for being molested as a child and date rape. It wasn’t called date rape at the time, it was against my will and I was angry. Based on what I was taught in my life, the only person who was going to protect me was me. I took the action at 21 to start therapy, lack of financial resources I had to stop. I will never forget my first therapist, Marilyn Leaf, she would call me on the carpet when I was avoiding a topic. She helped me get my anger under control.
Over the years my choices landed me in an abusive relationship. It was an environment that felt familiar. The details are not important to discuss, only that I got out after 16 years because I knew if I stayed I was going to die. I spent years running from the pain, fear, nightmares and anxiety. In case you don’t already know this, you can’t out run it. I faced many ghost’s when I got sober, but one I was not aware of was triggered during my 4th year of sobriety. I had just moved away from my AA network. I felt strong and safe. I had all the tools I needed to stay sober and I was getting plugged in in Fort Worth.
One day after work, I am sitting and watching TV and BANG! BANG! A neighbor was letting their door slam as they came and went. That first bang triggered my PTSD HARD. Suddenly, I felt like I was going to die, my skin got hot, I started sweating, shaking, crying and I curled up into a ball on my couch. In my head I knew I was safe but my body was not listening. I was already well medicated for this condition and I was out of control. I did not want anymore medication to numb this, I needed help. This happened every single time I heard a loud noise.
I called a dear friend in Dallas and she told me she had the same thing happen to her and she was in treatment that was helping her through it. EMDR – Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. She told me about her experience and I found a doctor in Fort Worth that worked with me for a couple months, once a week. I have not had an issue since.
If you are interested in my experience in greater detail leave a reply and I will get back to you. I just want to say that you don’t have to live in that place.
My heart goes out to all the victims walking around this world. I want you to know there is hope and we can heal.
Brenda the Brave