These past few months I have been on a journey where I lost sight of my path. The light guiding me seemed to fade away and disappear. It is only in hind-sight that I know what happened. Just like any habit it starts a little at a time, habits go away the say way. In my life my relationship with God is personal and He is my best friend. I have spent years spending time with Him every morning. Life got comfortable and I stopped taking that time regularly, and I started isolating. Those two things alone are very dangerous for me. On top of that, I started a holistic life style change. I believe that in many ways this is a good thing, but I tend to forget that I have imbalances in my system that require medication. I stopped all this medication and slid quickly into a dark place. Nothing in my life had changed from when I was happy and content, but I no longer saw a future. I was consumed with fear, sadness and a pain that I cannot describe. If you have been there, you know what I am talking about.
In the middle of this I wanted to die, it just seemed easier and even one day seemed too long. I made a plan and sat in this place for a couple of days. I reached for the phone and texted a friend that I needed help. My cry for help was heard and she drove for an hour to me, ensured I was going to be safe and get the help I needed. During this process I gained a level of gratitude that I have never known. I saw people who live this way daily, who don’t have homes or caught in the grips of addiction. I just needed to be reminded that I have medical needs that cannot be dismissed.
I have a host of friends who will be there for me at the drop of a hat. I have a great job with bosses that are caring and understanding. I have the sweetest cat in the world who did everything he could to make me feel better. I have a great life, which I get to keep as long as I take care of myself.
Taking care of myself requires my relationship with God, helping others, and NOT PLAYING DOCTOR!
I am back in the light and grateful for every little thing. God has blessed me with a love that is beyond anything I could ever imagine. Today I am willing to watch and see what He wants to give me rather than try and take the reins and control things. Thank you God for saving my life again and giving me this gift of love!