I spent the last two weeks of 2015 making peace with all the events, good and bad, from last year. Every year has growth and lessons for everyone, if we choose to see them. Some years speak louder than others, 2015 was deafening for me. I said “Okay! Okay! I give! UNCLE!!” I tend to be stubborn so my lessons can be very painful. Pain has been my teacher my entire life. I made some decisions during the end of 2015 and one was to try and learn in a more graceful manner. I have decided I am tired of the internal battles I wage on myself. I started 2015 having just faced my eating disorders and their root causes for 6 weeks. I picked up my tools and continued that journey on my own, only to realize that today I no longer use food as a weapon. It has taken a couple wrong turns and hitting a couple brick walls to get here.
I wrote a post about the holistic life in the midst of this journey and just as with everything else in my life anything is good in moderation. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis a year ago. This is an autoimmune disease where your body is attacking your thyroid. Just as I let go of my eating disorders I find the solution to this disease is eliminating most of the foods that I had just been taught to start eating and using to nurture my body. I’ll tell you on the outside I was frustrated and felt lost, but on the inside I was PISSED OFF!! Seriously?! I tried the initial plan of gluten free and dairy free, and my results came back off the charts worse. The solution eliminate everything except green veggies, chicken and fish. At the same time my holistic doctor did not like the mood stabilizers I was on and suggested I go off them. I did. (I learned I am responsible for the medical care I receive.) I threw my hands in the air and quit caring what I ate and slid very quickly into such a severe depression that I had to be hospitalized. My post “Out of the Dark and into the light” is about this journey. There are biological things that I require medication for in order to live. I know that now and I will not question it.
I tried dating again and figured out quickly that I should have waited to finish recovering before dating. I rode a roller coasted that ended with the phrase: “You are telling me that I am looking for a problem that isn’t there, when your ex-wife tells me you are in fact living with a woman who is pregnant with your twin girls?! You are a piece of work!! Enjoy your Karma!!” This guy always has 3 girls going at once and has been married and divorced twice is 55 with twin babies on the way. I would have to say Karma always does a better than anything I can think of on my own.
This was my turning point tho, I decided that I needed to jump in and let go of the fear and bitterness that is attracting this kind of guy and find a path to love and happiness that I have never considered. I decided no resolutions for 2016, I choose to make 2016 a great year!! I am taking the journey inward now that the obstacles have been removed and fall in love with myself. NO EXCUSES!! I applied for the Matthew Hussey Retreat in May 2016 and was accepted!! I am doing my prep work before the retreat to get the most out of this week long concentrated work on creating the life you love!! This year I am going to jump the obstacles and live the life I want! I am taking new actions everyday that I hope will become habits over time.
BRING IT 2016 I’M READY!!!!!