Mornin’! This is my first journal post for my daily review.
I judge myself so harshly that it was suggested that I journal about the things I did well each day, and what I’d do differently on the things I did’t do well.
This weekend my days blended together so here is a weekend review.
When I review my day it is so easy to get caught up in the To Do’s that are still undone. The mistakes, perfectionism and all the work I “need to do” for my trauma and E.D. work and meetings that things fall through the cracks. It happens to everyone, but there is part of me that knows that and doesn’t care ” Little Miss Perfect”. I named her just now…that’s a good thing. Now I can develop a healthy relationship with that part of myself.
I completed my first knitted slouch hat Friday night/Saturday morning, and it is a mess. The win is that I love it anyway. It is perfectly imperfect just like me. I plan on doing a post about it with pictures and everything. I learned in the process about knitting and about myself. I’ve been wearing the hat all weekend.
Healthy purging: I removed from my apartment all the excess that I don’t use or can’t wear. Cleaned and threw out all the trash. I always want to try and recycle/recreate things and part of my creative projects, but there has to be a limit. I recycled all glass and other recyclables, trashed and and donated the rest. It is such a good feeling.
i did my chores so I am not looking at things that need to be done…they are done. I always think of the Nike swoosh when I tell myself ” Just do it!!”
I ate when I was hungry.
I texted friends to see how they were doing.
I didn’t weigh myself. My nutritionist is going to liberate my scale if I don’t stop weighing myself all the time.
I cooked two meals for myself. Small step for mankind, GIANT step for me.
My dining table is cleared and set for dining only. This where I will eat and experience my food by candle light, with music, flowers and lots of self love and kindness.
I got dressed and actually looked at myself in the full length mirror. There was no verbal or internal ripping myself apart. I was able to stop when they started to come up. Those thoughts are simply not welcome anymore, though I know they will visit and bang on the door often for a while. Today I said “NO! Go away!”
I sketched Brenda the Avenger last night. This was a step toward helping this part of me relax. She jumps in when I am in fear, shame, loneliness, sadness and blocks these feelings so I am either numb or angry. My goal is to see if I can get her to relax enough to allow me to feel these things and do my work
I was up all night Friday night finishing my hat. No sleep until morning and late night eating. Binged on trail mix, banana chips, PB and Crackers.
These were not excessive, but definitely a step in the wrong direction.
When I notice these things I want to:
1. Stop and say a prayer
2. Journal about why and what is going on.
3. Forgive myself and renew my promise to myself to heal.
Things I can do to stay on track:
Stay on my sleeping and eating schedules – not skipping snacks or meals,
Sleep and rest are key to a balanced and healthy life.
Keep up with 3 meetings a week.
Anyone want to share their Wins & Growth Opportunity? I love hearing from you!!